I went to my local urologist yesterday for my annual follow-up PSA, as a result of my radical prostate surgery in 2004. The doc said: "How long has it been since your prostate surgery?" I said, with a question in my voice, it will be eleven years this December. He said; "It's unusual for prostate cancer to reoccur after that many years, but yours may have. We will confirm with another PSA, and then we can talk about radiation". WHAT!?
I surprised myself with how clear my thoughts became after hearing the doctor mention I may have cancer again. It is clear to me....I will not have radiation. I will live simply, meaningfully, do what I love to do, be with who I love to be with, and be a good person....for as long a time as I am blessed to be given.
I didn't go to the lab to draw the next vial of blood, Kristin, a pleasant young assistant, who is thinking about being a radiology tech, said; "I usually don't draw blood, but I am the only person here right now, so I will try once. I don't want you to be a pin cushion so if it doesn't work the first time I will send you to the lab." She focused and diligently inserted the needle. My questionable blood started flowing down the plastic tube, oh so slowly. It gave me time to find out Kristin was in Vet School when she got pregnant, had to quit, but it was a blessing, she said, because in the last three and a half years she decided to go another route and wouldn't change a thing....she loves her daughter and married the father, who she loves.
I asked when would I find out about the new PSA test. They said 10am tomorrow, but if you register for online records, you may be able to see the results before tomorrow. After leaving the urology dept. I went to the eye specialist dept to see how the images they bought from me looked on the walls. They were impressed and I was happy. They asked for calling cards to give to admirers. I felt good. I then went home, thought more, with much clarity, got console from Patty and registered for on-line access to my records. About eight hours after thinking my remaining time will be short, I saw the results <.01. I cried. Well, what the hell, maybe I'll live with the love that became clear with the thought of death, no matter how many more years I am blessed to have, to live my love priorities!