I eventually found passion in my career, but it took effort, attention, and heart. I

moved from a good job I kind of liked in a national CPA firm to a better job in a

smaller CPA firm in which I became a partner. From there I moved to an

investment firm to do financial and retirement planning, then to my own boutique

life-wealth planning firm. I was a CFP for thirty years and ran my planning firm for

thirteen years. I loved what I did, it just took awhile to get to that feeling of

exhilaration.

If we open our hearts to our passions, believe in our ability to do what we love,

and work hard while loving our living, we will succeed. I know this now, more than

ever. It took me too long to appreciate the value of living what I love and loving

my living.

Nurturing Our Purposeful Passions

I connect purpose and passions by saying “purposeful passions.” I do this because

when I speak of passion, I am referring to doing what ‘good’ we love to do in life.

Our purposeful passions create that good, and that good is enjoyed by us and

those around us. It’s important to think about our passions in the context of

others.

Understanding how we are affected by family history will help us connect with our

passions. I moved in my career to self-employment. My father, most of his siblings,

most of my siblings, and our children all were or are self-employed. The family

value, or our built-in constitution, may just be that we thrive best being in charge.

To know this family context early on is helpful in deciding a direction.

We learn from listening to those close to us, those affected by the same

circumstances and environment. This is most often our family. What do others in

the family love? There are many missed opportunities by not asking questions and

attentively listening to those closest to us. We can learn a lot about our own

passions by talking to our families and those who know us well.

What were our dreams? What are our dreams? Our passions are in our dreams.

Did you ever hear from a parent or teacher that you can do anything you put your

mind to? You should have. It is an encouraging statement, a motivating statement.

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The statement I remember most was, “Do you think you will ever amount to

anything?” I took that as a challenge and put a positive spin on it. “Yes, of course.

Watch me.” Dare to dream. Kids naturally do this well. It would be nice if we were

more kid-like and allowed ourselves to dream, fantasize, and do what we dream.

I can’t see my daughter, Bridget, doing anything other than her passions. She

doesn’t have patience or purpose in doing something she doesn’t love. She is

driven by dreams. She listens and acts on her feelings. She said, “Dad, I like your

mantra except where you say to not fantasize wildly about possibilities.” It is

interesting to watch her growing in the life-planning area I am the weakest in:

health and wellness. I’ve always believed that successive generations are capable

of advancing the present generation. I see that with Michael’s photography as

well. It’s fun, and satisfying to see.

I was one of these voices in Bridget’s youth. I said she was too sensitive. She heard

it as a flaw. Recently she said she now sees her sensitivity as a blessing. I wish I

had presented her sensitivity as a blessing when she was young and so

impressionable. It took her years to work through my well meaning, but

narrow-minded comment. I recall the first agreement from the best-selling book

“The Four Agreements'' by Don Miguel Ruiz: “Be impeccable with your word.”

Good advice. Kids take to heart their parent’s comments. They are like sponges,

absorbing every comment, especially the negative ones.

Accessing Our Inner Wisdom

Quieting our mind and affirming how we live love are important factors in our

appreciation for doing purposeful passions. The planning model I describe in

“ADVOCATE PLANNING” was motivated by my growing understanding of purpose

and passion and the need to integrate life’s passions with financial decisions. This

statement is motivated by yet a stronger feeling of expressing my ideas about an

easy, effective purposeful passion priority process.

Quieting our mind and affirming living love interrupts all the crap that passes

through our mind, putting us in neutral and letting us focus on affirming the doing

of our passions. Psychology of Mind (POM) common sense tenants are useful in

understanding and employing purposeful passions. The study of POM literature

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and POM practicing psychologists convinced me that our natural mood is good

and if we quiet our mind we will gravitate to our natural state of goodness.

When our mind is in neutral, we can better access our resourceful subconscious.

We have “Inner Wisdom” somewhere in our subconscious that answers the

unanswered and clarifies what’s fussy. It’s mysterious to me. I try to quiet my busy

mind daily for the fun of awakening to new approaches to old concerns to find

words to better express my good, and to best order my priorities to do my

purposeful passions.

My mind gets most quiet and resourceful between three and four in the morning.

It’s like cheating on meditation. Shouldn’t I be quieting my mind during the day

with mood music in front of a yoga instructor? What works for how and when I

quiet my mind and open my heart for streaming subconscious awareness may be

different than yours. What’s important is we take time to empty our busy minds to

affirm and grow our purposeful passions.

I use an automatic wake up alarm with a set time to affirm my mantra, “Love in

the Moment,” and affirm “The Simple Prayer” invitation:

I am an instrument of your peace, where there is hatred, I sow love … I wish

to not so much be understood, but rather to understand, to love more than

to be loved… it is in giving that I receive.

After I affirm, I open my mind to anything that passes through. I fixate on passing

thoughts only when I answer questions I go to sleep with.

Learning from Others

There are many examples of people living their purposeful passions. Look for

them. Learn from them. When we use our reticular activator to see good, happy

people, passion-driven people, we see them all over.

We hear about the famous passion-driven like John Lennon, Elvis Presley, and

Steve Jobs whose stories are sensational examples of persistence in overcoming

obstacles to live their passions. The famous people examples may be interesting

to hear, but they are hard to identify with. Better examples are people like us;

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people who are not in the news all the time, ordinary people doing extraordinary

things.

Jay was a successful mortgage banker and a family man. The whole family felt

good about helping the homeless. Outside of their normal lives, they had a

passion for traveling the country together and doing small acts of kindness for

those in need. They wanted to do more of this, to make this their normal life but

worried about making ends meet. Ultimately, they followed their passion. They

were surprised to find that as they did, they received acts of kindness in return.

Their fear of making ends meet never materialized. They love their new life.

Passions in action!

But it doesn’t have to be such a massive upset to the entire household. One time I

sat in a local hotel conference room across the table from my Medicare

supplement insurance agent, Janet. Her retired husband accompanied her, I

suspect to keep her company between meetings. He was on his computer, quiet,

attentive to his screen. I asked him what he was looking at and before I knew it he

moved next to me to show me images of his Mount Everest climb he did in his

sixties. I was stunned by the wonderful images and his accomplishing such a feat. I

listened to how he climbed all the Adirondack peaks one winter in preparation to

do his life’s dream. It is amazing what one can accomplish when the passion is

strong. He beamed with joy when he talked about his accomplishment. I wish I

was in such good condition. I suppose I could be if I had a passion to be fit as a

fiddle and I prioritized the hard work to do it.

In Our Element

Ken Robinson, Ph. D., in his book, “The Element: How Finding Your Passion

Changes Everything,” defines “The Element” as: the place where the things that

we love to do and the things that we are good at come together. Ken is talking

about being in what I, and a lot of us know as, “the Zone.” The Zone is a desirable

place to be. The Zone is a place we love to be. It is a productive place. It is a

contributing place. It is losing ourselves in the present. It is exhilarating. It is doing

our purposeful passions.

It is common sense that if we have a strong passion to do something, we will do it

often. If we do it often, we get better at it. The cycle continues and we become a

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cut above others. We achieve a position to serve and mentor others. We love it

and it feels good.

My brother Tom and sister-in-law Bobbi took to snow skiing in a big way in their

thirties. They became professional ski instructors. They bought a second home

near Beaver Creek, in Colorado ski country, to always be close to the action. They

were ski instructors for decades and loved every minute of it. They finally stopped

instructing, at least formally, at eighty, but they still ski as often as they can. Catch

them on a chairlift and I am sure they will offer a pointer or two.

Rose

Rose, the manager of the local Starbucks, has proudly worked there for eighteen

years. She loves her work. She also loves winter hiking. She went out of her way to

show me the picture on the next page of her reaching the top of Camel’s Hump

Mountain nearby. You just knew it was a passion for Rose. She can hardly wait to

hike again. Maybe next time she’ll take on Mount Mansfield, the highest mountain

in Vermont. Passions drive us to great things.

I watched Rose at work every day for a year. Her Starbucks was a breakfast routine

stop for Patty and me. I watched how she managed the staff and greeted the

customers. There are seven or eight people efficiently working in a relatively small

space, somehow maneuvering around each other to serve what seems like a

hundred people during the short time we were there. Rose and her crew do their

job beyond my expectation. They were all helpful, friendly, and caring. When Patty

died they all signed a card for me expressing their sympathy. Rose now sees me

sitting alone and asks how I’m doing. Her passion shows. Her serving and caring

are purposeful.

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Relevant Priorities

It’s About Our Passions

This writing is about living love – living, doing, our passions - our most relevant

priorities. I could muddy up a discussion of priorities by talking about all kinds of

choices that we are confronted with daily. Things that we must decide to do or not

do. The home stuff, work stuff, friend stuff, food stuff, all the stuff. The problem

with priorities is there are too many things to do in our too-busy lives. And of

course, we never complete the list. Items may climb up the to-do list, but most

often the important activities, our passions, don’t even show up.

Focus

Between 1969 and 1970, when I was in the Army, I divided my concerns into two

categories: big shit to worry about and little stuff that I could minimize my

concern. I was stationed at a military headquarters in Worms Germany where

they made a big deal about everything and I needed a way to keep things in

perspective. Ordering my activities by importance worked in settling my mind and

keeping my sanity.

Our passions are the big stuff. Our purpose in life is big stuff. We only have one life

to get it right, to live happily, to be successful, and to realize our unique good. I am

living my passion. Promoting living love is now a purpose of mine. It hasn’t always

been one. It has evolved. It came into focus in 2010 when I discovered SCG as a

path to deeper, better life-wealth planning. I am open to letting it take me to

places I now can’t imagine. It continues to evolve. So do I.

My strengthening focus of living love helped me considerably during what I call

the Alzheimer’s Years–the ten years when Patty, my wife of a half century, dealt

with that dreadful disease. I was her primary caregiver for those ten years and

they were the best years of my life. Her Alzheimer’s set-in in 2012, at a time when

I was facing a massive personal challenge with my retirement from my career at

AIS Planning. I hated to leave the firm. I loved the planning work I was doing and

wasn’t ready to go. I was anxious to further spread the word of SCG and use my

growing ability to have deeper conversations with clients. But then the world

spoke: it was time for me to prioritize Patty above all. I turned the corner. Patty

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continued to be an advocate for me when she could. I eventually became more of

an advocate for her. I would never be able to match her advocacy for me over the

course of our lives, but I was ready and happy to do what I could.

When I worked too much in my professional life Patty used to say, “I’ll feel cheated

if we don’t have any time together in your retirement.” She was cheated, we both

were, but we really did a lot of good things together in the Alzheimer’s Years. Even

though Patty faded away there was always something of Patty left, even to the

end. Her last words to me the day before she died were, “I love you.” Family

remains my top passion priority, though its definition has dramatically changed

with Patty’s passing. It has only been a couple months since January 25, 2022, at

4:44 p.m. when Patty took her last breath. The dust is still settling.

Over my life, with all the thought I have given to the order of my passion

priorities, I will be surprised if they change dramatically in the years to come. They

are, in order: family, write and promote “LIVE LOVE,” capture and share my image

of a lifetime, water reflections, and nurture one hundred black walnut trees on

Purple Lark Farm. Listening to my Inner Wisdom may change things. I’m open to it.

The future's not set in stone. Being open to passion change is the best way to

evolve our unique good. It also makes life interesting.

Without evolving and focusing on our passion priorities, something less important

will consume our time. Stuff will always present itself to fill our days. The top

priorities will always get our attention. The lowest priorities will never get our

attention.

Julio

I mentioned to James at the frame shop I frequent, Art Works, that I can’t keep up

with my 44-inch commercial printer. It needs a lot of usage for the 720 ink jets to

stay fluid and not clog up. James referred Julio to me to help. Julio is a very

talented oil painter. I have a work of his on the next page. Julio has been dabbling

with his art for years. He loves to paint. He decided to take the leap and spend full

time painting, selling his work to make a living. Now he’s doing what he loves to

do. I am now in the process of printing 100 prints from 20 of his originals.

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He has a wonderful attitude about doing his passion. He says, “I don’t know if I

can make a living, but I have to paint. It is who I am. It is my purpose. If I work

hard God will show me a way.” I have confidence in Julio. He has the skill and spirit

to do his passion for a career.

Claudia

Claudia bought the Bristol Bakery Café in Hinesburg, Vermont, just a couple years

ago, renaming it the Parkside Café. She was a nurse in New York and loves food

and serving others. She was drawn to this line of work by her passion to make and

serve food. So she took the leap from a stable career into what some may call a

risky venture. But it was her passion. She wanted to live her love.

Patty and I got to know Claudia because we ate at the Parkside for breakfast every

day for a couple of years. We made the long drive because we loved to listen to

50s music in the car. Patty would sing along with many of the songs. Her memory

of the fifties was one of the last things to go. We learned Claudia’s story over time.

She works the café seven days a week and made a point of befriending when she

noticed we were there every day. When she is not at the café she is on her taco

truck, Baba’s Tacos, or with her two children and husband.

Claudia would often bring us extra free goodies – hot chocolate, extra serving of

eggs, a second latte, ice cream cone, and much more. I often ate more than I

wanted to when I went to the Parkside. It was easy to see she loved to do it, in

fact she said as much. You might think that at the rate she was handing out food

she would soon go out of business. Don’t worry about Claudia, she is a good

entrepreneur – she is always coming up with new ideas to make the café better.

Prioritize Passions

What do Julio and Claudia’s stories have in common? They both acted on their

passions. They made what they love to do a high enough priority to leave a

comfortable situation, take a big risk, struggle with the change, and live their love.

They love their new work. You can see in their eyes. You can hear it their voices.

You can see it in their steps.

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I look back on the Alzheimer’s Years with Patty and I know prioritizing my passions

made a big difference in my own mental state. I am so grateful for overtly aligning

my passions and being clear about doing what was most important to me at the

time. It made my care for Patty feel like lovemaking. I would be on the Mac

working on an image I loved and Patty would wonder to my side. Rather than act

interrupted or annoyed and ask, “What do you want?” I would say, “Let’s take a

walk.” We took a few laps around our small apartment and that was satisfying

until the next walk about an hour later.

Routines, good as they are, can be Stumbling Blocks at times of

change.

At 75, my priorities are different today than they were at 35. That makes sense.

Life changes. Now that Patty is gone, they will change again. They have to. With

major life events like marriage, divorce, job, change in location, death of a child or

spouse, and numerous other events that feel big, our mix of passions need

resorting and reordering for our mental health and best living our passions.

Routines are good. Routines make the flow of the day happen without

overthinking. This way some tasks are even accomplished unconsciously. This is

comfortable. Routines are especially good with Alzheimer’s. Patty and I had

numerous routines: start of the day, 50’s music drive to breakfast at Parkside,

Starbucks, walk, movies, end of the day. You might say our lives became one big

routine.

Our routines, as good as they can be for us at times, are hard to change when they

no longer fit our lives. When a big event occurs, it is easy to just continue the

routine even if it no longer fits. We have to examine our routines and ask, “Are

these the right routines now? Are they the best set to live love now? What are the

new routines with living the present passion ordering?”

Again my passion priorities in order are: family, living love and writing “LIVE LOVE”,

capturing an image of a lifetime, water reflecting, nurturing one hundred black

walnut trees. I plan to do all my passions, but life happens. I need to be cognizant

of the order so my routines don’t block my activities required to do my passions. I

am struggling with my routines. As I write this, it has been two months since Patty

died. I know a new set of routines are best for living my passions now. I sleep until

seven in the morning and usually miss sunrise, and with it, my chance to

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photograph at the golden hour. I am starting to make breakfast at home, but it is

hard to not stop at Parkside Café and Starbucks. TV, news, and movies are blocking

me from time with family, writing more, photographing more.

Routines are good, but if not questioned, especially with big changes, they may be

comfortable, but they will block us from doing our passions.

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Effective SCG

SCG as a Package

Self-realizing, Connecting, and Giving (SCG) is another way of saying “love of self

and love of others.” The result of doing our best with what we love to do, our

passions, and sharing what we do best with others is the crux of the message I am

making with Live LOVE.

Saying and understanding the message is the easy part. Living love of self and love

of others is a bit harder. Life and the complexities of communicating with all the

unique personalities we encounter in our environments cloud our lives. We can

very well miss the love boat, that is doing our passions. We are too busy doing

stuff that is, or should be, down on the list of priorities to spend ample time on

doing what we love to do. Knowing our passions and prioritizing living them will

get us in the boat. SCG will get us to our destination. SCG is the navigation device.

We wouldn’t sail the seas without a plan or the navigation tools to get through the

fog and inevitable bad weather.

Even though I break down SCG into nine activities that I will touch on here,

thinking of SCG as a unit gives perspective to the interrelationship of the

principles. What we do to reach our potential, or self-realize, involves connecting

with others and influencing, or giving of ourselves to others.

I love photography. I learn by attending workshops, experimenting, exploring,

talking with other photographers, viewing photo books, and shooting a lot. I

connect with others in the process. As I hone my skill I move from mentee to

mentor. I exhibit, sell, and give images to those interested in enjoying them on

their walls.

I am learning to become the best I can be so I can feel accomplished. I enjoy the

results and, sometimes, others enjoy the results too. When I hear an expression of

interest in one of my photographs by a friend or family member, I give them the

image. It is very satisfying to me to know someone enjoys my images. I enjoy my

images, and that would be enough to continue working on my photography

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passion, but to share it with others is most satisfying. The point is with a passion,

we learn, we connect, and we give. They are intertwined. In the process we love

ourselves and others.

SCG presupposes serving, contributing, giving as integral elements for success.

How do we serve others doing what we love to do?

Jim Tures, a friend and hero of mine, shared his mantra with me at Thanksgiving,

just two weeks before he died in 1997. After supper, we were relaxing over a cup

of coffee and got to discussing our mantras. After sharing, and stumbling with my

mantra, “Love in the Moment,” I asked him his. He paused, reflecting on mine. He

asked if I would repeat it. He inquired, he listened – a gift to me. I did better the

second time. Then he shared his: “All is Gift.” His words resonated so much with

me that I fixated on them for several years. They influence my belief that purpose

and fulfillment flow from serving – sharing our talents, sharing what we do best,

our passions.

Self-Realizing

I don’t especially like the term “Self-realizing.” It’s the right word for what I am

trying to say, but it comes across too aloof. I am talking about reaching our given

potential, doing our passions, doing our best with our talents, enjoying being an

expert at what we love. The term self-realizing is not as clear and straightforward

as the other two elements of SCG – connecting and giving.

The self-realizing activities are learning, serving, and mentoring. This is where the

rubber meets the road. Connecting and giving activities are dependent on what

we learn, our ability to be able to serve with our talents, and our ability to teach

others after we become masterful with our passion. By reaching as far as we can

stretch our beloved talents, we best connect and give.

Recently I had the good fortune to attend a weekend retreat over Zoom called

Taproot. In it, several presenters addressed the things deep inside of them

inspiring them to do what they do best. It was primarily professional

photographers, but also writers, sculptors, and painters. I really enjoyed it. I

learned a lot and was inspired to shoot more to find my “image of a lifetime.”

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When I heard former National Geographic photographer Dewitt Jones was

presenting, I knew I had to attend. He did not disappoint. I was mesmerized and

inspired by his presentation, just as I was twenty years ago when I first saw him

give a presentation called “Celebrating What’s Right With The World.”

Dewitt called his Taproot presentation “Visual Prayers.” In it, he tells the story of

talking to his boss at National Geographic on his first day of employment. His boss

says, “You don’t have to prove yourself. I know you take good pictures, otherwise

you wouldn’t be here. I want you to improve yourself, not prove yourself. Every

day improve yourself.” It’s analogous to the saying about getting to Carnegie Hall:

practice, practice, practice. I used a similar phrase with new associates when I was

at AIS Planning: “Grow or go.” We were all getting at the same thing. Dewitt’s boss

was looking for Dewitt’s passion to drive him to improve and improve more. And

Dewitt improved. After twenty years with National Geographic he became an

inspirational keynote speaker. He inspires me and countless others with his images

and words. He connects with the beauty of the world in a very positive, very

spiritual way.

Dewitt often refers to his “Soul Camera.” According to Dewitt, the Soul Camera

has one stop: wide open. The Soul Camera has one speed: as long as you take. The

Soul Camera has one lens: complete surrender. You know if the Soul Camera is

working when you feel gratitude. He goes on to say that, as a result his images are

visual prayers. He says, “The spirit in me recognizes the spirit in you. The truth in

me recognizes the truth in you. The beauty in me recognizes the beauty in you.”

Dewitt is now living on the Hawaiian Island of Molokai and is making images daily.

He is also making legacy books for his children and giving images away. Dewitt is a

good example of self-realizing. He is always learning. He provided pleasure and

knowledge by getting the shots to tell stories to readers of National Geographic.

He mentored many with his videos and lectures. He continually celebrates what’s

right with the world.

Dewitt loved working for National Geographic. They sent him to unbelievably

beautiful places around the world. While on site he always asks himself: “What’s

the story? Did I get the shot?” When he would get a good shot, he would explore

even more and get the shot he knew told the story even better. Look him up and

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you will see. When I checked out his website, I went away saying,

“Un-f&%*g-believable.”

Dewitt introduces his images by saying, “The experience is always more important

than the photograph. It is the experience that exposes our soul; that changes our

vision. It is our vision, not the camera, that makes the image extraordinary.” The

strongest message about Dewitt’s life story that relates to my message in “LIVE

LOVE” is that Dewitt left National Geographic for a higher love priority. He left the

photographic masterpiece magazine and a life on the road to be closer to his

family. In doing so, he found a way to still shoot, make more money to better

support his family, and be home more.

After his departure from National Geographic, he first did advertising photography

and then, better yet, became a keynote speaker using images from his National

Geographic days to motivate people to celebrate what’s right with the world. One

of his best messages is, “Look and look closer – believe in the beauty of nature

and all its beings and you will see beauty, wonder, and love.”

We can’t be Dewitt Jones. Only Dewitt Jones can be Dewitt Jones. But we can be

the best version of ourself. We can zero-in on our passions, put a high priority on

doing them, and then do SCG as well as we can. I’ve made that a personal practice

and I periodically pleasantly surprise myself by being a better Mike Sipe than I

thought I could be. What about you?

We focused on a good example of learning, serving, and mentoring, which is the S,

or Self- realizing, of SCG by taking a close look at Dewitt. The S is most important

because we best connect and give by making the best of who we are, what we do

best, and what we love to do.

In “ADVOCATE PLANNING, To Do What You Love To Do,” I talk about my path to

exhilaration with the help of my personal advocate, Patty. It wasn’t until I was 53

that I got to my passion career as a life-wealth planner in a firm I controlled. I did

it for 13 years before I graduated to my present wonderful life of what I call

“protirement,” which is “a positive period when people are free to produce and

play as they please.”

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I have always been a hard-working student in high school and college, at work,

and with my photography. My professions as a CPA and CFP required forty hours

of continuing professional education a year. I usually took on twice that amount. I

love learning that much. I have attended countless photo workshops and read

numerous books and articles on my craft. I have about a hundred coffee table

photo books. I am glad I have the thirst to learn. I enjoy it and I am grateful for the

gift of curiosity. Curiosity is a great gift.

I have witnessed tremendous results from people who are curious about their

passions. There seems to be no end to their research. My children are curious

beings. They will go much deeper than I will, researching a plant or a medicine, a

food, or a fun place to travel. I would have retired as a partner in a CPA firm if I

wasn’t curious about the budding financial planning profession in the late 1970s,

when I attended the first retreat the profession had at my alma mater, St. John’s

University. I became a CFP in 1982. I was in my mid-thirties and I loved the

transition to personal financial planning.

I did financial planning with a CPA firm, but it wasn’t the best place to serve my

clients. Soon I joined a national brokerage firm that groomed me for my ideal

placement: my own boutique planning firm. There I practiced holistic life-wealth

planning. That led to SCG and writing “ADVOCATE PLANNING, To Do What You

Love To Do,” published in 2014 when I turned 68. Now I am 75, a little wiser

maybe, and writing “LIVE LOVE.” I am grateful I pushed doing what I love to do

with the help of my advocate, Patty. I feel good about my understanding of SCG,

though I feel like I’m a little late to the game. I know I have something to share. It

is my delight to throw my understanding out to the world and see where it sticks.

I loved the development of deeper planning relationships with my clients. I was

slow to get to the point of professional practicing with the process I was

developing. However, I feel grateful for being able to personally better live love

now. I push forward to influence readers with writing.

That said, I really wanted my associates at my planning firm, AIS Planning, to fully

embrace the tenets of SCG and the process I refined for personal passion priorities

planning. They embrace much of my earlier planning thoughts. I was able to

mentor them for years and I am grateful for that. But like teenagers moving into

adulthood, my former associates desired the independence to be original with

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their direction of their firm. I understand. Serving by practicing financial planning

is over for me. Mentoring AIS Planning associates is over now. I am sad about that.

I am now focusing on living love with my five present passion priorities: family,

living and promoting “LIVE LOVE,” capturing the image of a lifetime, water

reflections, and nurturing one hundred black walnut trees. My mentoring

activities are limited to those who will read this writing.

You might have noticed I have mentioned my passions by order of priority three

times now. I want you to know that while repeating them in this writing and

thinking about them critically I changed “clean water advocate” to “water

reflections.” This is a big change for me. Even the slightest changes in the wording

of our priorities can massively change their meanings. This change came with the

completion and distribution of “OUR BASIN OF RELATIONS, The Art and Science of

Living with Water,” a book I co-authored and have mentioned here previously.

Through the process I discovered my love of writing reflections to accompany

photos of water and other images I love. In printed books I display 250 water

photos paired with 50 personal reflections. This project is most satisfying. I will

continue the project if the photos and thoughts flow. The project is fodder for

blogs and gifts for myself, my family and friends, and MikeSipe.com visitors.

I self-realize to the point I can, and that counts. I reach for my potential, doing my

passions, and that counts. I live love, to the extent I can, and that counts. My

mother used to say comparisons are odious. I agree, but it is a human tendency. I

will never be a Dewitt Jones. I strive to be a Mike Sipe, and that counts.

There is also a human tendency to not do what we love to do unless we can be

perfect at it. Perfection is not human. If we love it, we will do it. If we do it often,

we will get better. Better, not perfect. We may not be the best, but we can be our

best, and that counts. If we work our passions, we will surprise ourselves with

emotional highs. I’ve been there, and it is good. I want more and the supply never

runs out.

Connecting

The connecting activities are exploring, relating, and playing. You might have

noticed that I have three activities for each principle. That doesn’t mean there are

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only three activities for each principle. It means I am limiting my discussion to the

three activities that I believe are most important for each principle.

Eddie Soloway is a good nature photographer and a great photography instructor.

I’ve been to a couple of his workshops and will attend more. He has one at Big Sur.

He loves the ocean and has shooting workshops there often. Visit

EddieSoloway.com. I love water and have the life project Water Reflections going

strong. I love it!

I am excited to go to the ocean with Eddie. Over the last ten years I have seen his

photography move from literal to abstract. He really shoots all nature, all ways. He

is curious and he teaches curiosity. He leads photo experiences all over the world

and in his home base in Santa Fe, New Mexico, at the famous Santa Fe Workshops.

Eddie organized the consortium of pros at the Taproot conference where Dewitt

Jones spoke. Eddie’s presentation was called, “If it Weren’t for Messing Around.”

Curiosity – interest in discovering new captures of nature’s beauty – was the major

theme of the presentation. If it weren’t for messing around Eddie would not have

captured images he didn’t fathom before venturing out with his camera. He plays

around with targeted focus, out-of-focus, from-the-ground, very close, high above,

from-all-angles, moving the camera with his breathing, letting ocean waves move

the camera while releasing the shutter, panning the camera, real slow shutter

speeds, real fast shutter speeds, and whatever he feels like doing in the moment.

He is open to all possibilities. He plays around and–WHAM–he finds new beauty

he didn’t know was possible or discovers a new technique to incorporate more.

Because he is learning, he loves it.

Curiosity is learning. Curiosity is exploring. Curiosity is not limited to photography.

I could use more of it. The more the merrier.

Patience pays off in just about everything. I grew a lot of patience during the

Alzheimer’s Years. I am grateful for patience. I know it will help my photography.

Eddie addresses the need for patience. He shows all the misses he makes with the

click of his shutter while trying to capture a bird and its shadow over an expanse

of ocean water. But with patience he finally gets the shot he wants. With patience,

we finally find a solution we really like for the problem we’ve been trying to solve.

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Curiosity and patience are love magnets in the relationships we encounter while

patiently looking for meaningful connections with others – God, people, nature.

The more we live and grow our passions, the more attractive we are to people

who love the same beauty and others who love that we have passion. They share

the pleasure we find in life. They see it in our eyes, our actions, and our smiles.

We are more interesting and fun to be with.

Patty and I took a wonderful trip with my sister Elizabeth and brother-in-law John

to Tuscany in 2011. They live in Trieste Italy. John speaks Italian, and drove, which

made getting around a lot easier. We ate wonderful food and had three-hour

conversations while savoring delightful wine. It doesn’t get much better than this.

During the trip I would get up and photograph in the early morning light. I loved it.

One morning I walked a block or two up from our villa on the hill in Castellina and

photographed the valley below with my new 300-millimeter lens and a doubler,

which in effect, made it a 600-millimeter lens. I captured the image you see on the

next page. You can imagine how far away the valley was. But the image, as I took

it, wasn’t quite right. I loved the feel of the valley. I connected with the beauty. I

wanted an image to remember the feeling. I played with the image on Photoshop

and my printer for hours. Finally, I ended up with the picture on the following

page. It is cropped so much that I can only print it to 16 x13 and keep the painterly

affect, which was a fortunate accident. It is one of my favorite images. I explored, I

related, and I played in one outing! I look at the image often and feel the

connection with the place and the people.

My third passion, after family and writing and promoting “LIVE LOVE,” is “making

the image of a lifetime.” This is shorthand for my passion for landscape

photography infused with the inspiration that keeps me on the hunt. I never know

if the next image will be my favorite. I hope to seek beauty in nature images as

long as I live. I am paying more attention to my favorite images as I age. I see my

style of choice is narrowing – water, horizons, simple, noticeable light affects, the

importance of color. I am getting more in tune with image affect. As I better relate

to nature, I am better able to see beauty. I see more beauty as I believe there is

more beauty to see. As I explore and play, I better relate to nature. I respect

nature more. I hope to continually grow with my photography.

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My images may be most beautiful to me – after all, they should be. I’m most

invested by being involved from capture to final print and adjusting the image to

my liking in between. It is not until the final print that I understand the feeling the

image speaks to me. Sometimes the voice fades as I learn that the image doesn’t

have a long wall-life. The events of the day of capture impact my reflections on

the image. I love it. Five of my favorites are on the following pages.

It is easy to talk about our passions. We know more about them than someone

who has their own passions. We love to talk about them because we love to grow

in our passions. We jump out of bed to do our passions. We think of nothing else

when we are doing our passions. We explore, relate, and play with our passions.

We connect with our passions.

Giving

The three activities of giving in my model are protecting, contributing, and

transferring. Did you know that Americans contribute about a half a trillion dollars

to charity annually? This is about a third of what is raised from individual income

taxes. We are generous folks. This does not include the value of volunteer time. If

it did, it would likely exceed individual Federal tax revenue.

When I spent time on the St. Cloud, Minnesota, United Way board, we tabulated

volunteer time to be able to express our appreciation to volunteers, and promote

the value of volunteer time to the United Way. Volunteers are vital. People love to

volunteer their time and talents when they freely can do so and they feel the

value of their service. This is not the case with government-forced redistribution

of wealth. Freely giving of our talents and money is personally rewarding for the

giver, just as it is to the recipients. The world should applaud and encourage freely

helping each other, rather than enforcing more rules and regulations. I wish

everyone understood that we would all feel better if we loved more and we

treated each other as we would like to be treated. I don’t mean we should all be

the same. I mean if we were kind to all, respectful, patient, forgiving, thoughtful,

compassionate, celebrating our differences, wouldn’t that be great?

The rewards of being able to give are the fruits of doing a good job of self-realizing

and connecting. I really like, and try to live, Francis of Assisi’s words in the Simple

prayer: “It is in giving we receive.” We get a buzz from helping others like we

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would like to be helped, in loving others like we would like to be loved. It is natural

that when we do our best with learning our passions we serve and mentor others.

In doing so we have the wherewithal to connect with many. We are likely to have

the resources to protect those we love, contribute to family, friends, and strangers

in need.

We have a legacy to transfer during and after our life. Money, maybe, but more

importantly, values and principles are the fruits we grow with self-realizing and

connecting. Living SCG will likely pass on by example. We overtly spread the word

by talking about it and writing about it to create a legacy that lasts.

I haven’t always been such a strong proponent of the value of giving. I wish I had

learned its value earlier. I guess I was busy learning. I learned from my dear friend

Jim Tures, when I took years, after his death in 1997, pondering his mantra, “All is

Gift.” I learned its value by periodically feeling the joy of giving. I learned its value

when I took time to determine how I could have deeper conversations with clients

in 2009 and 2010 when I arrived at SCG as a path to better living our passions. And

I learned its value in caregiving for Patty during the Alzheimer’s Years.

Patty was always a better advocate to me than I was to her. She helped me

through several career transitions, including my abrupt departure from the firm I

founded. I was retired from AIS Planning after my four year buy-out contract in

2012 - the same year Patty was diagnosed. It was a blessing in disguise.

A benefit of Alzheimer’s being a progressive disease is you have time to adapt. I

learned from Patty. Unlike me, she was always a natural caregiver. Now it was my

time to learn and be a caregiver for her. The first five years were a piece of cake. I

thought I could handle it. We went to Italy a few times and enjoyed our visits with

Elizabeth and John, and all the delicious food and gorgeous sites. I photographed

at sunrise. I was enjoying our time together. I was barely noticing the advancing

deterioration. Patty’s short-term memory was well gone by then.

Soon my passion priorities were tested. I had no choice but to give things up –

photographing at sunrise, alcohol, and free time. Patty became my number one

priority. How could I deal with it? How would I cope? How would I adjust? I

surprised myself. Giving up lower passion activities was not hard. I realized that

our time together was short. I focused on my first passion. I focused on Patty.

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There was a realization, probably in year eight, that Patty was not good with being

with our hired caregivers. They could cook and clean and Patty could lean on me. I

wanted to give, to care. It was meaningful to me. I felt the benefit of giving. I

needed to care. I wanted to care. I feel good that I cared. I feel complete and I feel

lost.

My whiteboard helps me get perspective.

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My Whiteboard

It’s nice to imagine that a professional advocate is there to hold our hand every

quarter and walk us through the steps to make the right decisions to live love, do

our passions, get our priorities in order. It doesn’t work that way. Professional

planners are helpful. Personal advocates are helpful. However, we determine our

direction. We learn our passions. We prioritize our actions. We are responsible for

our attitudes and our emotions. We are our own first and best advocates. It’s our

life. We are the only ones that can make the best of it.

Like a professional planner, though, we can use processes to keep us on track with

our plan. We can have aids to prompt actions, to change plans, to keep our

priorities straight. My indispensable aid to help me with my next best action to

live the life I desire is my whiteboard.

I started to use a whiteboard when my sister Elizabeth suggested using one for

caregiving with Patty, to mark the date and make notes about my whereabouts, or

whatever would be helpful in the moment. I don’t think it made a difference for

Patty, but it has morphed into a process for me to determine what I will do next.

Here is how I use my 20x30 inch whiteboard: I have my five passions identified

across the top, in order of priority: family, live and promote “LIVE LOVE,” capturing

the image of a lifetime, water reflections, and, finally, nurturing one hundred black

walnut trees. By doing this I keep my passions front-of-mind and ordered by

priority.

I have three columns where I list my to-do’s. Some of the actions may stay on the

board for a long time. Some may be there for just a day. I don’t list daily routines

and actions that I do subconsciously. The first column is labeled “Resources”

which includes Time, Health, and Money. The second column is labeled “SCG.” I

used to list the first letter of the nine activities of SCG (which may be helpful to

you), but I don’t do that any longer because I know them by heart. I’ve labeled the

third column “Other” to catch whatever doesn’t fall under the other columns.

Each morning, I check my priorities and the actions I am going to work on that

day. No matter what, I update the date–that always gets me to the whiteboard no

matter how I’m feeling. Sometimes I have as many as ten check marks. I often

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think I can bite off more than I can really chew, or, do. I don’t let it bother me. It’s

a whiteboard, after all. I just rub it out or leave it there to do tomorrow.

When the activity is completely done, I erase it. I add appropriate items as they

come to mind. The whiteboard has turned out to be a big help for me. In

ADVOCATE PLANNING I presented forms to periodically complete, preferably

quarterly, to be on top of your passion priorities. That’s good for the well

organized and planner types. I never kept mine up-to-date. The forms are not

practical enough for me. I like the whiteboard to make other scratches too, like

love notes and sassy sayings and such. It can be used to communicate to others.

Each person in the household that has passion priorities is best to have their own

board to play with. A snapshot of my board is on the following page.

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Final Thoughts

LIVE LOVE

It blows my mind to think there are nearly eight billion people in the world and

each of us are unique. Each of us are part of the same human species, but unique

in countless ways. It also blows my mind that we are the highest order of nature’s

species, with so much capacity to love and we often choose not to. We fight to

have people think like us rather than celebrating our differences. I understand the

interest to persuade people to our way of thinking. I don’t understand though,

canceling people that don’t fall in line with our way of thinking. We grow by

understanding separate realities. We grow best by focusing on what motivates

us–our passions–and not trying to change the passions of others by force. I’m

waiting for “when the power of love overcomes the love of power.”

The message of “LIVE LOVE” is simple to say but requires focus and a process:

1. Find or confirm our passions.

2. Prioritize our SCG (self-realizing, connecting, and giving) activities to live our

passions and feel our successes.

I define success as the realization of our unique good. We are the only ones who

can measure the feeling of realizing our own success. Society has measures for

success but again, as my mother used to say, comparisons are odious. But one

comparison makes sense: compare to our potential. We find our potential by

trying, failing, trying, failing, trying until we feel we reached our potential. With a

passion this is a never-ending story.

There are many ways to describe love. I am committed to the belief that it is in

giving and serving that we love. I have felt what I call love when I give. That is the

bias of this writing – it is all about the gift and having something to give. Love may

be the care for others, or it may be our talents and passions that we’ve honed. I’d

like to believe that living love is when we do what we love to do and share it with

whoever is in our life’s path.

I worked over my mantra for years, especially in the early years of development.

The start of my mantra goes back to 1988 when my daughter Bridget gave me the

framed saying, “Love the moment and the energy will spread beyond all

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boundaries” Over time, and about seventy revisions later, my mantra, which I

affirm daily, is all about living love. My last revision was added during the

Alzheimer’s Years when I plugged in the word “patience.”

My mantra really says it all regarding my message of “LIVE LOVE:”

I love in the moment and the energy spreads beyond my imagination.

I love in the moment by living the present, not fixating on the past, worrying

needlessly about the future, or fantasizing wildly about possibilities, but

rather focusing on and loving people, the process, the positive, the pristine,

and my passions.

I love by listening to my Inner Wisdom, balancing my life, caring about

others, doing my passions, and contributing my uniqueness.

I accept the uniqueness in myself, as well as that of others, without

judgment, with respect, patience, and a sense of humor.

If I ever have to boil it down, I will say: do my best, with what I was given – my

passions – and serve and love others.

Steve was a close friend of mine at St. John’s Prep boarding school. I remember

the exact moment he said, “a gift is not a gift unless you give it anonymously.” This

has stuck with me ever since he said from the front seat while we were riding

down highway 100 in Minneapolis, on our way back to school after a long

weekend with friends. No wonder Steve majored in Philosophy and Theology at

Marquette. He was always a deep thinker! The gift I received in that comment,

nearly sixty years ago now, is that if we attach our name to a gift, we get

something out of it. Maybe it’s the reason we make the gift. I thought about

Steve’s statement every time I made a gift to a nonprofit from AIS Planning. I

never did make any anonymous gifts from the firm. I rationalized my decision by

saying, “Sure I might get some firm promotion, but it’s a good thing for the charity

– more than a fair exchange of goods or services – a gift – in part.”

Love is a gift. We can only give love. We can’t take love. We can’t buy love. The gift

in “love making” is an example of the possibility of love being blurred. Is it just

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casual sex for the exchange of mutual pleasure or is it the delight in giving and

receiving a special touch with a person you’re “in-love” with? I guess the answer

becomes clear when you are married for over fifty years and the sex in loving

dwindles to nothing during the Alzheimer’s Years. I feel my caregiving to Patty

during the Alzheimer’s years was lovemaking. It feels that way now. It is clear. I

feel good about that. I feel grateful.

I felt Patty’s love, her gifts. It is clearer now than ever. She was kind, thoughtful,

forgiving, patient, caring, honest, loyal. She was a phenomenal advocate for me.

What was special was Patty’s lasting presence of giving and loving during the

Alzheimer’s Years. It is uncommon for a person with Alzheimer’s to love until her

last breath, at home with her family holding her.

I am so grateful for Patty’s love. What a gift – no strings attached!

I wrote this verse to accompany my image to LIGHT for Patty:

to LIGHT for Patty

It’s mid-winter low light.

I’m at my Contemplating Cove.

My mind on Patty’s passing.

Ashes to the air, she no longer breathes.

They float to living earth,

Unnoticeable and free.

I see her sinking body – sparkling on water’s edge.

I, next to her, looking for LIGHT.

Together and apart. Alone and lost.

I want to capture the moment.

Treasure memories,

Of fifty-four and five.

The light and color are to my liking,

After feeling, adjusting –

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Less yellow, more passion rose.

I feel Patty’s love,

Kind, patient, caring, thoughtful, forgiving, humble, honest, loyal,

Dear advocate for me.

Here’s to LIGHT, for Patty.

May her new world be free of hate and hurt, doubt and despair.

Be it pure LOVE.

My image to LIGHT is on the following page.

I’m going to work on my whiteboard, change my activities, routines, and do my

passions. I affirm - I look to the future, I treasure the past, I live love

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