Care or Control?

I am not one to control another. In fact, I fault myself for a lack of boundaries while child rearing. I remain a big believer of personal freedom. Being a caregiver for Patty, with her memory breakdown, is unnatural for me. I am in a cloud. How to care for Patty is unclear to me.

Lake Cloud Canon EOS 1DS Mark iii 420mm 1/125 f4 ISO 100

When is care control? Does care need to become control in the late stage of Alzheimer’s?

The answers may be obvious. I can’t win for losing with Patty. Patty doesn’t accept care well - she is fast to feel controlled, and she resists, even the obvious…. (at least, to me) - She is always telling me I am trying to control her. ‘No’ is her favorite word.

An example - I suggested she wear a coat for an outing to eat, yesterday. She says she doesn’t have one. I bring her the coat to wear and she refuses, saying I am trying to control her. She says she is not hungry anyway, even though she hasn’t eaten. I say ok. (one might say it wasn’t a mere ‘ok’…. maybe more like I huffed off to my corner). We don’t go.

Patty is ok going with me to my hair wash and cut today. I said I have one every two months - she should. I offer to make an appointment. She says NO. Patty’s last wash and cut is nine months ago. I can remember only two times she showered, in the last year, even though she says she showers frequently.

Patty would kill me if she knew I talked so openly about her. It’s necessary for me. It’s at the stage that she can’t disguise the decline, and I don’t know what I am doing!

Thanks for listening.

God help Patty. God help me.