While contemplating this writing, about the Giving principle activity of transferring - stories, values, and other valuables, I reread chapter 8 of my book ADVOCATE PLANNING, To Do What You Love To Do - The value of histories and life stories. The read is worthwhile wisdom to ware, ..... if I must say so myself - better than I remembered. I invite you to go to Book on this site, download the book, and read chapter 8 - it doesn't take long to read. It confirmed to me logic, motivation, and ways to transfer - give value - to people we love.
"It's our little secret", said dad, on his death bed, to his secretary/mistress , with unintended ears present - worth a laugh or two... later... with siblings. The condoned close relationship with Shirley, over a fifty year period, was no secret. We just acted as though it was.
The "little secret", was emblematic of many of my parents realities needing to be secret. Mom and dad were secret souls, treating us a bit as 'subjects'. Yet, evidence of great influencing attributes, is all ten of their children, productively doing their passions. Method in their madness?
"Who was that mask man [woman]?" I asked mom, after dad's death, why she tolerated his relationship with Shirley. She said dad would have gone crazy without Shirley. An act of love? Or, a reprieve from madness?
I spent years in 'therapy', culminating with ten page letters to each of my parents. I stood up to them - to power. I pulled the curtain down. I was looking for truth - not about Shirley - about love - love of self and love of others. I confronted each, separately - faced resistance, learned about power and self-esteem. It was an extremely growing experience for me - maybe why I came up with SCG - the Love Priorities, and dedicated so much time in writing the book and doing this blog. I am grateful. I can't speak for my parents, but, I felt closer to both of my parents, understanding better their story, having confronted them. I value love more having worked at it.
I had to fight to get a glimpse of my dad's love. At my dad's death bed, I asked, with interest, not demand - Do you love me? - He never before, expressed, in so many words, his love for me. He sobbed, repeating five times - I love you. I believe it was a cleansing moment.... for both of us.
My experience with my parent's and my own story, as well as learning from client situations, has convinced me that 'the true story' is as valuable as money transferred to our loved ones - especially where there is the expression of love. Even where love is absent, dealing with the true story, provides the logic of the story, giving a base to build love relationships.
I am telling my story. I am expressing my love. I am getting my docks in a row, to love more, before my next season. I love it.